show them tittays and humiliation moments!!!

This past weekend we were approached by a friend who has a cousin who has a friend with a water-jet cutting machine. Like most people, this bastard was poor and was looking for a few more side jobs to drum up some extra cash for his heroin addiction. We dug the idea of making up some cheap ass bullshit items that other poor bastards could purchase instead of actually buying stuff that was worth a fuck. That being said, we stood up and came down with a great new slogan aimed at all the totally radical dudes in the automotive industry. What is it you ask? Well, it’s simple, in our never ending quest to be all that we can be, we decided on something simple that meant a lot to a lot of people, B rad. After all who doesn’t wanna B rad? We know we do and we suspect you do too!

Here’s our current list of Elitist Prick key chains:

Positive Slogans Inspired by famous intraweb personalities, these silhouettes are simple reminders of who you’d really rather be. Water-jet cut from 2mm-thick 6061 aluminum, these chains are much more hardcore than they look. ONLY $15.52 each, including shipping to anywhere in North America. Shipping to other parts of the world is available and hella spensive - please check for rates. As pictured here, each tag does include a key ring for you to attach your shit to.

We’ll be adding new designs all the time.

*Coming soon: B gnar, B coo, B real, B bad, and more!

Who deemed these idiots photographers?

Are you color blind? I really do believe you need to check. Take this test and turn that purple car back into a red one.

Can you see the numbers in the circles or are they just big grey blobs?

And then there is Shawn Walsh. The Shawn Walsh.

If that busy-as-hell background wasn’t distracting enough, the default photoshop plastic glow and drop shadowed watermark will take your eye from the reverse rake.

I have been working for a few minutes to come up with a universal system to determine which members of 8380 have been taking the cock and which members have been sucking the cock.  The Anal Depth Lie Detector will settle these disputes without a hint of bias, all for free.  Consider it a public service.

Here is how it works:

Shove the lie detector inside of either the anus or mouth of any 8380 member and document your findings (I am not quite sure how you plan to actually get that close to one of the 8380 members but creativity is always a plus, just have fun with it i guess then get the fuck out of there)

But why only a twelve inch ruler? Well, any more than that would require a second ruler and nobody is dumb enough to buy 2 of these things.  The Anal Depth Lie Detector is just a cheap ass wooden ruler that cost less than a quarter to make.

Did someone say Booth?  Yes these could be booth worthy at a watercooled event but rest assured they are no penis blank off plate.

So after browsing around there I found pics of a few girls that I want to introduce to the business end of my cock.

Lucks.

I’ll post more when I see em. If I see em.

thanks for the face and thanks for being our top visitor IP over the past few months.

woo!

Thats right, New Jerseys white trash tow truck driving attention whore is a real life Kip Dynamite.   In the movie Kip trained to be a cage fighter but was actually a big pussy, P R H fills the movie characters shoes perfectly with his claims of being into kickboxing and chatting online with hot babes (not really hot babes, but other losers who hang out on vwvortex) all day.  

We’ll end this with the lyrics to Kip’s (P R H’s) song…

Why do you love me? Why do you need me? Always and forever… We met in a chatroom, now our love can fully bloom… Sure the world wide web is great, but you, you make me salivate… I love technology, but not as much as you, you see… But I STILL love technology… Always and forever. Our love is like a flock of doves, flying up to heaven above… always and forever, always and forever… Why do you need me? Why do you love me? Always and forever… 
 

some real motherfuckin wankstaz…

Ive never heard of such a thing…

Decided to probe deeper

Found out that “Santi” is actually the name of  some guy that drives a blue jetta.

OK, easy….he is a fag who is into anal right? WRONG (well maybe?)

Actually the Anal part is how he describes himself when it comes to other people posting pictures of his car.

his words:

(and please remove the pic of my car. you could’ve asked. yes i’m anal about that kind of shiz, people using otehr peopls cars w/o permission, public forum or website. it dont matter. )

Ok, this was just a random ‘wheels for sale’ thread.  So, how did he know it was posted?  Does he search day and night for unauthorized images of his car or perhaps he has several people working for him scanning websites?

Well, I figured I would just post a few pics of his car without the permission he so desires to have asked.

That should make his ass pretty sore now.

Might I suggest several random meaningless threads and posts featuring his car, might get a good rise out of the fellow.

Look Santi, I posted pictures of your fucking stupid ass car.  What the fuck are you going to do about it?

“you are correct”

“I saw them kids get married at h20 by Elliott… wow.
sidenote, I wonder what that shit slinger looks like out of a tight ass pair of jeans? think it’s all cheese?”

“wait, married by the pvw editor guy? fucking stupid!!!”

“yeah, they had a stage and everything from what I remember. I didn’t make it a point to partake in the amazing event, but I caught a glimpse from afar. it was ridiculous.”

“yep they interupted the top dawg drive thru juddging thingy… got up on stage and had elliot marry them!!!
fucking losersssss!!!”

“That is the gayest thing I’ve ever heard in my entire fucking life. One thing fer sure, that marriage is doomed.”

“where’d my tits go? are they over there?”

“they sagged down and became one with the ass”

“im sorry for anyone who thinks that she has an ass worth looking at.”

“i hate that ugly bitch”

“i mean c’mon…. you gotta be of ewok descent to think she’s fuckable.”

“dude i’d spread that ass apart and make her pink balloon wink at me before i stabbed it like a prison fight.
ugly or annoying or not, if she came up to me at a bar and said she’d like to beat it up i would.”

“I bet she eats like a horse and shits like one too.”

“Pics of aforementioned shitting or it means nothing”

as you all may know, Ethan is a well known name in the vortex community.  he produces t-shirts for the masses and top quality mirror blank off plates.  swarms of posters follow him around the forums looking to feed off of his cleverness.  lets not forget his contribution to wheels and offsets.  without him people would be driving around with their thumbs up their asses. some may say his run with fame is nearing the end but i believe he will have a second cumming.  he is planning to reinvent himself and offer a new line of products.  the first of which is a design based off of something he requires for his own use:  it is a penis blank off panel.  now hold on, dont get too excited yet!  its still in its early test phase and requires the user to not have a penis.    ledjetta is somewhat of a legend and god only know’s i start to feel sad when i dont see his car posted on a daily basis.     

So I guess this is what passes for ingenuity in the scene now-a-days. I thought for sure we’d see people doing something useful, but instead of actually working an making something that looks good. We have more folsk trying to garner a name for themselves by painting the roof pink. I think Jaron is going to have to start slanging drugs if the black roof is no longer cool. I do have a serious question though? And that questions is: What in the fuck were you thinking? Are you a super huge fan of the Pink Panther? I imagine that is the same type of unoriginal name that the eurotuner douchebags will flop onto the cover of their pamphlet of shit.

I would love to get into the reasons why I hate this car so much, but the list is so long that I may wear off the ends of my fingers trying to type it all out. I guess if you’re really lucky I’ll get drunk off my ass on Friday and blog some more. This car does hit almost every one of the show car checklists and it is certainly minimalistic enough that the owner can actually lie to everyone and say he did it for himself. It seems that is the plausible deniablity racket that most mag whores use to stave off all the shitbags like me who will rail on the car, knowing full well that it was built to get attention and nothing else. Why else would you paint your roof pink? What about the color pink says “car enthusiast”. The last time I saw a pink car I was at a Hot Import Night’s show trying to figure out how many extacy pills it takes to paint a car  purple with a pink pearl. I never did come to a conclusion on the actual doseage it takes.  Maybe I’ll write Nash an email, because he clearly knows how to roll.

(6:25 AM 2-21-2008) Outlaw: Dude you must have nothing to do with your time.
Dont start talking shit about GS just because you hanging out with the faggs from cleaned.
Alot of them dude going to get fucked up when show season start dont dont get caught in the middle.
Its all im telling you.

(8:48 AM 2-21-2008) Outlaw: I know you got my PM.
If I find out that you CJ1979 Im going to knock your teeth out.
I swear on everything I own.
fucking with the wrong one .

MC Outlaw in the House aka The Gay Prince of German Squad

Lets take a peak at some newish pictures from a circle jerk in sunny Florida. This owner of this fine automobile gets props for being low, I cant knock that. However the clusterfuck that is his trunk makes my head spin. I honestly believe that he found a check list of “cool” mods from the aircooled, rat rod (a term a fucking hate), and DIY crowds, and selected everything.

At a glance its like “Hey nice hardwood floor, vintage luggage and plaid”. Upon further inspection its more like “Hey, nice hardwood floor, velvet lined “vintage” luggagae, primered airtank w/bad pinstriping, and oh wait is that a mooneyes sticker and brass knuckles???

Im pretty sure that the dudes at his local Subway hate it when he orders a sub.

Elitist Pricks Forums are up now… http://www.elitistpricks.com/forums/

not to mention that he is the real life version of side show bob from the Simpsons. Take this as your warning to not do business with this guy. While his stories are believable at first they continue to become transparent/far fetched as more and more time passes and you are still waiting for your product that you PAID him for. He’ll tell you about his family issues, about how he shipped it already, about how it’s not him it’s his suppliers… Well it’s all a bunch of mindless bullshit until (IF) the parts ever show up years later. Only time will tell. If you want to test your luck go ahead and give it a try otherwise give your hard earned money to someone who actually can deliver the products they sell.

 While we are on the topic…

How do you go from this

To this????? over the course of 6 years (2002-2008).

Back in the day when I was young but not a kid anymore I was in woodshop class and this kid watched me build wooden boats for a semester.  The next semester started and I still had woodshop class on my scedule and the same kid was in my class again and he decided to build wooden boats after watching me do it last sememster, Im guessing he though my idea was cool so he ran with it.  I had become disinterested in wooden boats because I now posessed a fleet of them and I decided to make a nice table for my mother and I would give it to her upon completion at christmas.  Now I know what you are thinking, a young man that builds family heirlooms and wooden boats doesnt sound dangerous right?  Wrong.  One day I went to that woodshop class and I was particularly pissed off and I decided to take it out on the kid that copied me in the wooden boat building department.  I made a smart comment to him about how he was unoriginal, and of course he piped back with shut up and go build your gay ass table.  That comment lit the fuse so I grabbed this kid by his shirt and carried him over to the belt/disc combo sander in the corner of the shop, flipped the swith and turned it on and I took his right hand and rammed his index finger into the abrasive material until he had about a quarter inch less right index finger than he was born with.  I did a little time in the principals office for that one and I got suspended for a week and my folks made me pull alot of weeds in the yard as punishment.  All in all though I can look back at it years later and I’d say it was completely worth it.  Would I do it again given the chance?  Try me.

yo yo yo just wanted to send this one out to my boy Paul from NJ.  Apparently dignity is optional in his state.

Dear Sinuses,

I wonder what I did to make you hate me so much? I’ve always been there for you. I was there for you and the nose when you were choked full of boogers. I remember as a kid when we’d play outside and the flowers were blooming and you’d make my face get all itchy and then sneeze. Sometimes you’d make my face itchy and tingly and then not sneeze. I never hated on you for that, so why have you now forsaken me with this runny green mess. I bet it was sexy when I was talking to that girl last weekend and you let just a little bit of your own fluid drain down my nasal cavity and out my nose. Without warning you did this.

Remember when I used to share my cocaine with you? Remember that, remember how we’d party together until the wee hours of the night. Even the next morning when you’d make the inside of my nose resemble something that would be on a dinosaurs back, even then I still didnt hate you.

So I don’t get where you came off with this attitude, Hell you’ve even turned my ear drums and now lungs against me. Why? I know I keep asking this, but I don’t understand. The Ohio days we had together, the parties, the women. you were there for me when I first learned frontside flips in the cold. You didnt run then, so why now 10 years later do you treat me with such disrespect? Have we not had a great life together? Is this how you want our friendship to end?  Does causing my throat, nose and lungs grief make you feel better about yourself?

I hope your happy with yourself sinus cavity, but I don’t want to see you anymore. I’d appreciate if you could take you and all your guests and go somewhere else. I’m not telling you to go because I’m mad, Im telling you to go because I love you and cant stand to see you in pain. I only want what’s best for you.

Mortally yours,

forrest

All you fake ass, pretending motherfuckers need to stop following in my footsteps.

Being a wise ass, fucking jerkoff, only makes you look like a dingus to me. It’s not flattering.

Fuck, I don’t even like cars… and I’m still a thousand times better than you. I live in fucking squalor and I still get less homeless girls than you. I have a zombie cat that will eat your gay fucking tattoos for breakfast. My roomate would fucking win every one of your frat boy beer pong games. Not to mention he’ll give your fucking jacked tooth girlfriend truck stop herpes. I can’t even sit on my own toilet without pouring bleach on that shit, and my rusty ass vw still kills that shit every time I drive four miles to work.

Fucking Florida niggs with their fancy sunshine. (not including mike)

Fucking Canada niggs with their donairs and shit.

Fucking New Jersey. All you fools can eat shit. Fuck you too baby Huey.

Fucking Cali niggs. Lemme give a shout to fucking Hollywood and shit. Go fuck yourselves.

Fuck all you guys SRSLY.

Oh yeah, and fuck Dan Lutz.

Peace,

Nelson.